Togainu no Chi

Today was the first rainy shower after I had listened to Shiki's Drama CD. It really made me depressed. I still remembered myself soaked in my own tears yesterday right after I listened to Shiki's drama.

Here's a small snippet of their conversation.
(Shiki was the strongest man in Igura, but he was defeated by Nano before, and his life's purpose was to find him and prove that he can defeat Nano now if he ever saw him. Along the way Shiki had chanced upon Akira many times, and he captured Akira in hopes of destroying Akira's determination(which was what had attracted him in the first place). Then one day, Akira got captured by Arbitiro and Shiki went after them. He found out that Nano was there and got into a fight with Nano.)

Nano: You're really foolish. You don't give up even after I have defeated you everytime you challenged me. You obviously know that you cannot defeat me. You know why? That's because you have never experienced sheer feeling of fear...but I have. You don't understand that without the weak there can be no strong. I'm under the torment that you can never imagine...and that's why I am strong.

Shiki: Shut up!

Nano asks Shiki to just take his blood, which is Rain and makes people stronger. Nano says things that tries to sway Shiki to consume Rain. Shiki almost succumbs.

Shiki: In order to obtain this power, I have thrown away everything! I've even killed my parents with this hand. This time I will surpass you! (He almost takes the Rain...Until he hears Akira's voice.

(This part is actually beautiful in a sense that we can finallly see that the strongest Shiki has his weak points and there're things that even his will can succumb to. It shows he is so twisted that he just wants to do anything to defeat Nano, and that is his one obsession. But that is so until Akira comes into the picture. For once, other than the ero scenes, Akira's words comes into his mind despite all his obsessions.)

Akira: Shiki! Didn't you say that you will defeat him with your own powers!? To be trapped by weakness and to defeat it is totally different! Wake up!

Shiki finally realizes he almost got tricked by Nano and comes to a realization scornfully. He pulls out his sword and kills Nano. (Nano let Shiki kill him.)

Nano: You lose.

Shiki, running towards Nano to kill him, he remembers what Akira said to him.
Akira: Till the very end, I won't listen to anyone but my own will.

Shiki repeats what Akira said in unison: I don't belong to anyone, I BELONG TO MYSELF!

Right before he kills Nano, Shiki still remembers what Akira said, and says: Akira, like you said how you belonged to yourself till the very end, I will follow my own will...even if it's confined by the craziness of Nicole...I will KILL YOU!

Then, the beautiful yet sad ending theme plays, and the tears start flowing.

After that, Shiki went into a state well he can't speak properly or move about. He is confined to a wheelchair. Akira protects him by taking on his role and defeating people who come to challenge "Shiki".

Till the very end, the last moment where Shiki had his conciousness, he remembered what Akira said to him, and he himself agreed to it. He wanted Akira to live on. He wanted Akira to continue fighting on and having Akira's determination, even though he himself is going to go into a state where he no longer has any will left in him. Was that out of love? I thought that was the moment, THE moment where Shiki had shown his emotions for Akira. It was touching, yet it was the last time Shiki would emotionally reach out for Akira.

Looking back, Shiki is really really tired from all the fighting in his life, and just living for the sake of killing someone and destroying things. He has lost his purpose in life, and lost the drive to live. For once, he can finally just go into this state of repression where everything is just bland and peaceful for him. It's like Shiki can finally get some rest from his ragged life.

At the end, Shiki hears Akira fighting against challengers and the sound of the blades clashing triggers something in him. He asks Akira's name again, and this was the scene that had happened earlier. He remembers something, but most of his memories are still locked away.

I don't know if this is a good ending for Shiki, but my heart just reaches out to him for Shiki's life has really really worn him down. But I just can't get over the fact,

that Akira,

has to live with and bear the fact,

the strong-willed Shiki that he might have loved,

is no longer here, and yet

must not give up,

in the hope that Shiki will come back.

Shiki, please come back to us.